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Thursday, February 21st, 2008
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I did something waaaay stupid again. Remember how I promised I wouldn't indulge in pill taking again? Well I broke that promise.
Two weeks ago I decided just as I woke up that I woud go to the pharmacy and buy strong anti headache pills containing codein. I went there and bought a botle of 100 pills. That's not the bad part, the bad part was that I stole them. I walked right into the pharmacy, asked for the pills that by the way you can only get with a prescription but since its swaziland they trust you and sell them to you anyway. So I got the pills then I walked around the place a bit and left, without paying. They cost like $60 american dollars. You wouldn't believe the high that these pills produce. I ended up taking 20 a day. When the pills were finishing I decided to try going for a day without them, and I couldn't, I was addicted. I was worried so I told mom and dad, they nearly killed me, yelled at me and even told me i was going back to chile. But I went cold turkey and stopped taking them. First day without them my whole body itched and I was in physical pain, all my limbs hurt, and I fet I needed those pills badly. The second day I was still in pain and I slept all day, third day i was in pain and extremelly anxious...and so on.
I'm ok now. But now, for real, I'm not doing that ever again. I know I say I won't but I mean it this time. I have got to stop with the self destructive behaviour.
My brother left yesterday morning at 4am, we said goodbye in our jammies and he left on a taxi to the airport and then to chile. I felt awful, I miss him already and he only ;left yesterday. I love my brother to death and he is my best friend. I miss you Count Omega.....xoxoxoxo
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
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Well, I've been through hell and back...yikes, admissions processes are awful. In the end I took the exam thought I did horribly bad, just got word that I was accepted but that's all nice and all but I already chose to study with the University of South Africa long distance, and I'm not gonna study visual arts, I'm gonna study computer science. The University of Witwatersrand put me through hell and back, I just had to give up the idea of sudying arts alltogether. BASTARDS!
But I am happy with studying computer science, I'm good with puters and maths so there.
My friend Jo refuses to write to me. I don't even know why she hates me so much. I know I can be annoying but come on, at least tell me why you are so mad.
I'm still obsessed with the band HIM, short for His Infernal Majesty.
SO I wont be moving away from home to live on my own, that's the biggest bummer of them all. I guess I'm just not ready to evolve. One day it'll happen, believe me. I would very much so like to go study in England or Australia, that's an idea I shall ponder on further. I can't be with my parents for more than a year from now, I just can't, I need to move away pronto.
Anyhow, so how are you?
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
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From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.
Bold the true statements.
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parents owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Well, I am still in Swaziland. The Witwatersrand University accepted my application and I have an interview on the 4th of this month. I am scared as all hell. Please please accept me. I love this university and it's curriculum. Plus, if I get in I will finally live on my own. ON MY OWN!!! I AM 27 FOR FUCK'S SAKE AND I'VE NEVER LIVED ON MY OWN!!!! Except that one time when my brother and I lived in Cairns, but I was with my brother so it doesn't count....much....he's younger, so I cooked, did the laundry, went grocery shopping, etc. But still, this will be different.
By the way, I am so into the band HIM that I am getting a heartagram tattooed on my left shoulder blade. HOWZHAT FOR COMMITMENT????
Anyhow, I love you all!
:)
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 4th, 2007
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Wow, I haven´t posted in here for 2 months! I am so sorry, I guess I´ve just been busy doing nothing. What I have been doing is waiting. Waiting to see if I got into at least one of the two universities i applied to in South Africa. And the waiting has me mad, I have been getting awful headaches every single morning for a month now. I went to the doctor to see what was wrong, he ran a few tests and basically he says it´s psychological. It´s plain ol´stress. I truly don´t know what i am going to do if I don´t get in. Dad has a weird idea that if I don´t get in he could use his savings and buy a franchise be it a music store or a book shop and I would run it. It´s a good idea but not something that I want. I want to finish my studies in art and finally teach and be an artist. I also want to explore theater, something i love.
Countess ORAEL gets married in a few days now and I didn´t send her a wedding present. It could have been something cool like an african statue or something. But I have no money, plus, sending something big to Australia ain´t cheap. I hope she can forgive me and I truly wish I was there for such momentous occasion like her wedding. I wish her the best.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 1st, 2007
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SURVEY FOR BIPOLAR_LJERS
Name: Claudia Neupert
Age: 27
Status: single
Kids? Ages? Names?: none
Age you were diagnosed as bipolar?: 16
Where do you live? Mbabane, Swaziland
What meds do you take/dosages? I take many.
1. Zuclopentixol Decanoate 200 mg Depot - to be injected once every three weeks (it helps with the hallucinations)
2. Quetiapine 200 mg
3. Lorazepam 2 mg
4. Escitalopram 10 mg
5. Temazepam 20 mg
6. Folic Acid
7. Levotiroxine 100 mg
8. Mirtazapine 45 mg
Have you ever been inpatient in a facility? many times
Do you have any other mental illness diagnosis? just severe depressions and personality disorder
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Let me tell you what I went through in the month of September. Pure and utter hell. My days were like this. I was taking 25 to 30 sleeping pills a day, sleeping 3 hours, badly I might add and eating chocolates and cookies obsessively, like I would die if I didn’t have a treat every 30 minutes. The sleeping pills obviously made me drowsy and high. I would play The Sims 2 all day and night and giggle every time a sim did something funny, I was high. By the second week of my binge my parents took notice. My father told me I looked sleepy all the time and that I spoke funny. I said it was because I was sleeping so badly. They had noticed that too. That I simply was not sleeping and I was obsessively playing The Sims all the time. I started to steal money too. I had to buy the chocolates and cookies somehow so I started stealing right off my Dad’s wallet. I was making weekly trips to the supermarket and the lady cashiers were always impressed by the amounts of junk food I would buy. Then there’s the pills.
( Read more... )
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
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Hey guys.
Last night I saw Brokeback Mountain for fifth time and at the end I cried. Man did I cry, I cried for about 10 minutes. My parents were worried about me cause I wouldn't stop crying.
Anyhow, the movie made me think about things that have nothing to do with the movie. One of the things it made me think about was accents.
Here I go...
I was born in the USA in Providence, Rhode Island. But that doesn't mean that I have been speaking english all my life you see after I turned 1 we left the US and went to Cairo Egypt. Stayed there for 3 years then we went to Essen, Germany. One year in Germany then Brazil, my brother was born there and we were there for 4 years. After that we moved to Asuncion Paraguay, there for 2 years. And finally in 1990 we moved to Toronto Canada where I finally learnt how to speak english. I was 10 years old and I dreamed of the day that I would be fluent in english. It seemed so cool to me to speak english. I would be in my room and I would pretend to speak english talking mostly gibberish but it felt good. Either way I learnt in 3 months and I spoke with a Canadian accent by 6 months.
SO that got me thinking. I speak english, I think in english and I even dream in english. But my first languages are spanish and portuguese. None the less I speak english with a semi canadian/american accent.
So after being in Canada for 3 and a half years we moved to Canberra, Australia. I was 14 and at Canberra High I was known as the American chick. This is where it gets interesting, after I had been there for about 6 months I noticed that my accent had changed, I was saying some words with an Australian accent. Nobody noticed because to them I was just american and most of what I said was with an american accent. But I noticed and felt embarrased. After I had been in Australia for a year I called a good friend of mine from Canada, Kim, and the first thing she said was "OH MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT!" What? I said No way. But there you go.
I have always kept my American accent but everytime I travel somewhere I find myself speaking the local accent. Everytime I have been back to Australia be it when I went to study in Cairns or just went on a holiday to Darwin I would speak as Australian as possible. Also I noticed that everytime we went to South Africa I would start speaking (in english of course) with a south african accent. It's like I try so hard to fit in being in so many countries all my life that my accents change. I think I try too hard sometimes.
Anyhow, there you go.
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Comments: Read 11 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, August 31st, 2007
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Hey guys, it´s been a month since I last wrote on here so bear with me.
I am still in Swaziland and loving it to pieces. I have a tutor that is helping me with my portfolio for when I have interviews at the South African Universities. I am only applying to 2, University of Pretoria and Witwatersrand University. Hopefully I´ll get in at at least one.
On wednesday I twisted my ankle pretty badly and am now an invalid, can hardly walk.
What else? Not much else, Zoe Anderson found me on facebook. I hadn't been in contatc with her for about 10 years so it was great to hear from her, she is planning on moving to outh America indefinetly, why I don't know, she must like it there.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
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Hey guys, I know it's been a while. Things have been actually quite fun. I am currently now in Swaziland and this place is fantastic. I love it here, I live in Mbabane and it's chilly and windy and the city is really small but it's great.
Dad and I arrived Friday the 20th and they lost our luggage. We got it the next day though so that was cool. Dad started work immediately. I? Well I stay in the hotel room reading Transmetropolitan and listening to music. Sometimes I sleep cause of the time change and jet lag. The hotel has a buffet for breakfast so we eat a lot, then for lunch I eat a sandwich in the room. Then at night we eat at the hotel's restaurant, good food but too much eating I think. I went out on the town on my own our third day here. I went to a bank to change money then bought some socks and bras for myself. Then I went crazy looking for a University that will take me in so I can study whatever the hell they offer. No such luck, admissions was in April so I can't study this year. No problem, Dad is finding out that there are art classes in various places and drama clubs so there.
Mom joined us last friday. She arrived and they lost her lugagge also and we still haven't got it back. Grrrr.... Everything here is normal. But tomorrow I start my art classes one on one with a teacher from these parts. He's gonna prepare me for my interview with the South African universities. It's gonna be great. Of course today wasn't a very good day for me. Mom and I went to the malls and I was so bloated with gas I was gonna burst plus I had diarreah. So we had to make our trip short and come back home so I could let some of this horrible gas go and poo...hehehe sorry, you didn't need to know that.
Here we move into our new house on Friday. It's an awesome house with a great big backyard and a barbecue pit. The house is nice and fully furnished. It's great. Today they took us to see another furnished house and it was blegh, it was really ugly and with a HUGE backyard. But we are pretty set with the house we're movin in to on friday, YAY!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 12th, 2007
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Well, we arrived in Chile yesterday and by GOD THIS PLACE IS FREEZING!!!!
The trip was quite eventful as many things happened to us. First my Dad lost his passport, luckily he had his German one at hand. Then they lost my lugagge. Then I had my wonderful collection of 278 dvds taken away from me here in Chile cause they were all pirated and there´s this law here protecting the rights of the artists and blah blah blah, well they are keeping the dvds at the airport for evaluation, if they decide not to give them back they will destroy them if not I get them back. One of the reasons to why i may get them back is because i leave chile in a week for Africa. They delivered my lugagge just 2 hours ago, luckily we didn´t have to go all the way to the airport to pick it up AND at least they found the lugagge.
I am very frozen. I have layers and layers of clothing and I´m still cold. DAMN THIS WEATHER!
Oh and another thing, while in Bali I caught a cold so the whole trip here, the 30 hours of travelling were spent with me sneezing violently with sore throat and headaches. Arghhh!!!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
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I have discovered the wonders of FACEBOOK and how much better it is than MYSPACE, at least it's a lot more fun.
What else? Hmmm... been finishing up my episodes of Queer as Folk and it only gets better and better. I'm almost done with season 4 and am about to embark into the last season, can't wait.
I've been reading a book I got while I was in Darwin, short stories by Ray Bradbury and they are so good, especially the one about the periscope and the crazy psychiatrist.
Hmmm... Oh, I found a forum I actually enjoyed called Hawkerites. It's for old students of Hawker College. Most of the people there were old drama heads like me so we always find things to discuss.
Other than that I am counting down the days till we leave East Timor. So far, 4 days, YAY!!!! We arrive in Bali in the afternoon of Sunday and Dad leaves Bali for Chile on the 10th which is I think a tuesday. Mom and I are still in the waiting list. If the waiting list doesn't follow through Mom and I would be traveling to Chile on the 13th, a friday.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, June 28th, 2007
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So many things happening. First of all my bestest pal of all ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) orael was nominated for an award as Trainee of the Year (ACT region, Australia). I am so proud of her, plus she's getting maaaaarried to her wonderful guy Jay. I wish I could be there but hey...
So we finally have the date of our departure from East Timor. Dad finally got the clearance from the New York offices of the UN. So we leave on the 4th of July to Bali. We'll be staying there till the 7th and now here's something that annoys me, we don't know whether I'll be going to Chile or not. Seeing as though Dad may not get payed to go to Chile then he'd be going straight from Bali to Swaziland and I would go with him. Mom would make the trip to Chile though cause she already has the tickets, but we don't know yet...ARGHHHH I hate being in the dark about future travels.
I got my hair cut today, so did mom. Mom says I look like a chinese doll with the exception of the eyes. It's just the haircut.
What else? Hmmm, I wrote to my friend Countess Trinket. I lost contact with her a year ago and I just got word that she's pregnant again so I wrote her a long long email telling her what I had been up to since we last wrote to each other. I went into detail about my ending up in rehab or more like a psychiatric clinic because of my depression and cocaine addiction and bouts with hallucinations and hearing voices. It's pretty scary to think about how fucked up I was just 8 months ago but hey, I gotta face my demons.
Oh oh oh!!! On Tuesday I had my farewell from Arte Moris (where I taught Comics and Illustration). I gave out the diplomas and the guys were extatic, so so happy. Then Gabby gave me 2 farewell and thank you presents. A beutiful scarf and a little mirror. Here's the picture for you all to see.
( Read more... )
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
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Ok, I'm sorry but I love this shit. I took this questionaire from spider_kitten, thanx luv.
Name: Claudia
Single or Taken: GAHHHH!!! Single damn it!
Sex: Female
Birthday: 2nd of June
Sign: Gemini
Siblings: Christian
Hair color: jet black
Eye color: green/brown
Height: no idea
. : R E L A T I O N S H I P S : .
Do you have a boyfriend?: nope
What is your longest relationship?: Ugh, like 4 months? I know, I know...
What was your shortest relationship?: 3 days
( Read more... )
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
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Arrrr gosh darn it I hate being back here (East Timor). This place depresses the hell out of me. We got back on Saturday and I've been depressed ever since. Of course loading up my new Ipod was fun and then listening to my fun fun music is also fun but I can't do that all fucking day. So here's what I do, I wake up at 7am and have breakfast with my Dad before he goes to work, Mom sleeps AND SNORES!!! I go have my morning cigarette then go back to bed only to be awakened at 9:30am by Mother. We jog or rather walk for an hour. Shower, play the Sims1. Prepare for lunch, set table, heat up pita breads for Dad and myself, Mom eats a fruit. Dad gets home for lunch, we eat. I have my midday cig go sleep (what else is there to do?). Dad goes back to work at 2pm I sleep till 4pm...damn I'm lazy. Get up, have a diet coke, play the Sims1. Go to Mom and Dad's apartment and watch an episode of Nip Tuck with Mom. Watch episode after episode of Queer as Folk till Dad gets home from work. Have another cigarette. Prepare dinner. Have dinner at 7:30pm, eat lots of veggies and fish maybe even chicken if we're feeling lucky. Watch the news at 8pm on the Australian Network. Then watch a dvd with both parentals, it could be Lost, Desperate Housewives or House. Depends what my folks feel like watching, we rotate. I go to bed at 9pm, have my last cig and watch E News for all the gossip. Go to sleep at 10pm.
Fun right? Weekends it's different but why bore you.
GAH!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Hey there, it's been a while. Loads of things have happened. I am now currently in Darwin, Australia. We've been here since the 1st of June and my birthday was the 2nd of June. I had a great time on my birthday, we had pizza, we had choc milkshakes and I got an Ipod Nano for my birthday from my folks. Very neat indeed. I called my friend orael and talked to her for like 30 minutes, it was wondeful...she's in Canberra by the way.
Anyhow, will continue later. Bye peeps!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:17 pm. |
| Music: | The Tea Party - Certain Slant of Light. |
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Damn fucking computer. I finally got around to drawing my comic with a little setback and now there's a damn filter on the puter telling me I can't connect to photobucket and I can't upload the comic. I'm gonna ask Mike for help tomorrow, he's the owner of these appartments and in chanrge of the net. DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO here everything's been ok. It's been already decided that we are going to Swaziland and not cape town south africa. I'll be studying a semester of journalism then my plan is to go to canberra and study arts there by 2008, I hope I'm ok by then.
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Tomorrow I have to give classes after a 3 week break from the guys, easter, the elections and a funny trip to Lospalos where they did performances and gave pieces of art as presents. I called Gaby to make sure there were classes tomorrow, she said "yes, of course Claudia, oh by the way we have some friends that are doing a documentary on east timor and they will be filming arte moris oh and they will film you giving your classes!" ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I better wear make up tomorrow, must not forget...I'm gonna be a STAR!!!!!!
Today Dad picked me up from his way back from work to go to the market and get fresh veggies. Dad got out of the car and went to buy some avocados, I stayed in the car and this really greasy guy comes up to the car and say "Ayyy menina, voçe esta gostosa!" I turned bright red and looked away. How damn fucking embarrasing!! It means "Hey girl, you look delicious!" GAHHHH!!!!!!
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Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
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Well I've received 2 bad reviews so far on STew Pot. And they haven't been constructive criticism either, wish people would tell me why it sucks...actually, I don't want to know...it blows my ego way too much. Either way I'm gonna keep at it, not everyone has to like Stew Pot...but is it really that bad? Oh well....GAHH!!!!!!!
I've been bitten by ants 5 times on my back, it's awful and itchy. The other day I found a huge bunch of them on my bed. SPrayed the bed but still everytime I go to bed now I itch constantly.
Dad just had an interview from Swaziland. It's a new job offer that pays a lot more than Cape Town. If he does get it I would have to live in Jahannesburg to study with Mom until I'm better, then I would live there on my own. It's 400km away from Swaziland. I hope he does get it, in a way I want to live on my own (when I'm better) and have a more independant life style. Plus Dad will be happier cause he'll get paid more but he did say that this job isn't as interesting as the one in Cape Town. So we'll see.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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